I've been visualizing myself happy. I say mantras. I try to keep a positive attitude. But my life still sucks!
Come here. I'll tell you a secret. The secret. With this secret you will be able to create anything you can imagine. With this secret you can become successful beyond your wildest dreams, happier than even the happiest child. Total cost to you - $0.00. That's right. It won't cost you a penny. Save all the money you were going to spend on self-help books, tapes, seminars, and movies. You won't need them. But, this secret will cost you the rest of your life, every bit of passion and longing you have in the deepest part of your heart where you seldom let yourself open the door, much less anyone else. That's right. The secret won't cost you a cent in the coin of the realm, but it will cost you everything else. And that's okay, because in spending all that you are, you'll find that your wealth increases manifold.
The secret is - No one can tell you the secret to happiness. No one can give it to you. They can point the way, but in doing so they lie, even while telling all the truth they can. The same goes for me, as it does all others.
Yes. We do create our own reality, but the reality we create has it's roots in the deepest part of our selves. Your life's roots aren't in what you tell yourself as you look in the mirror, nor in the dreams you express as you write in your journal. Your life is an expression of who you are. It is a stage you have set with those around you, a living painting, just as a dream is a painting of your soul. It is neither the creation of a god or gods as a proving ground for your worth, nor a random conjunction of dna that just happen to fall together.
My life still sucks. That may be. What is the difference between a man locked in a prison cell for life and a man who enters renunciant's cell for life? The circumstances are the same. Both have bare walls, minimal stimulation from their surroundings, a pallet on which to sleep. Both have nothing to call their own. The only difference is one did it by choice, the other appears to be forced into it. That difference is the difference between freedom and restriction, the difference between contentment and frustration. To someone on the outside looking in, both of their lives suck.
You are no coward, or you would not be where you are. You are not afraid, or you wouldn't have taken the role you have. To be free, you just need one step sideways. A heartbeat. A choice. A choice only you can make. The outer circumstances of your life may not change, but with that choice, they are completely new.
Are you willing to be who you are? Are you willing to be free?